THE RISE OF THE WAR OF THE SEXES

For the past few decades men and women have held a love-hate relationship towards each other. They have gone from being each other’s help-mate and friend to competing against each other. In some cases, there is an all-out war between the two.

It is called the war of the sexes.

While that terminology is usually said in a light hearted or a comedic moment, the truth is, there is nothing funny about war and the one that exist between the sexes is just as fatal and serious as a war with guns, tanks and weapons.

Societal shifts have broadened the chasm that exists between the two even further. History serves as a rear-view mirror and reflects the changes that have taken place in our world, which have led to the change of mindset and the changes of the roles of men and women, which we see today.

Women, who were at one time in history, looked upon as property to be owned or second class citizens, have evolved to a place of dominance (in some cases) over their male counterparts. Women at one point in time in our Western Society were not even allowed to vote. She had no voice and was told to be subjected to her husband in silence.

Perhaps that explains why today’s women cringe at that “awful” word submission.

Their primary responsibility was to take care of the home, the children and the man of the house.

At the same time, men were the champions, the knights in shining armor, the bread winners and the protectors of their families. Men went out to work, and they worked hard. Some men found nothing wrong with holding down more than one job at the same time. In fact, many of them had to, as times got harder and they had more mouths to feed.

But men held their own. Those who were business minded became shrewd businessmen; those who were good with their hands made a fortune as contractors, carpenters, auto mechanics, plumbers, electricians, etc.

Back then, everyone knew their roles and functioned in them. Although not everyone may have been happy with certain aspects of their roles, the bottom line was that society ran smoothly.

For those of you who may read this book and are too young to remember those kinds of days, you may consider the relaying of such a past to be fiction and far from real, but it was real. That was life decades ago.

Fast forward to today and we see a totally different picture. The roles between men and women have changed – drastically. Truth be told, that change of roles has made a complete 360 and now women are the ones starting businesses, holding top positions in companies, coaching sporting teams, even working in construction, while still running their households.

These changes, although they came along slowly and sometimes subtly, have caused a rift in the way men and women communicate, the way they view each other and in the way that they live with each other.

Some women feel that they still have so much to prove that they push themselves even harder, obtaining more education, more degrees and pursuing even higher top level positions in companies and in their respective workplaces.

In their minds, they must prove to men that they can do the job just as good, or even better than they can. After all, some women burned their bras in defiance to give them that chance to have equal rights and equal opportunity as men.

While some women pursue so much in an effort to prove a point, other women have advanced simply because they had to. They were forced into making a living and simply tried to do so at the best of their abilities.

The competitive nature that many women have adopted has put them on the other side of the line in a face-off with men. At one point, they both stood on the same side of the line and fought hand-in-hand, both trying to make a better life for themselves and for their children.

But now, women have decided to chart their own course, do their own thing and prove that they can make it work.

Where have our men been during these societal changes? It’s hard to say. Somewhere along the decades men slipped away from their roles as provider and protector and simply vanished. Perhaps daunted by the evolution of their female counterparts, many men took on the subservient role and became the one who just sat by and watched life happen to them.

In all fairness, it should be pointed out that over the decades, when world wars gripped nations, men were forced to leave home and go out and fight to defend their country. Millions of men were lost in those wars and those who made it back were never the same, and that had a dramatic effect on our brothers around the world.

Within certain parts of the Caribbean, “the Contract” may have been a pivotal point in the redefinition of men in their roles. For those who don’t know, “the Contract” was an agreement made with the government of several Caribbean countries and the United States to have Caribbean men travel to the U.S. during the war to harvest miles and miles of land containing fruits and vegetables.

Because many of the men in the United States were off to war, there were few laborers available to harvest fruits and vegetables, so the United States made a “Contract” with The Bahamas and other Caribbean islands to have their men move to the United States for months at a time to work in the fields.

Caribbean men would leave their families for months to go and live in the United States to work and send money back home to feed their wives and children.

While “the Contract” was a good source of income, being away from home for long periods of time and having to adjust to life in a different place changed our men. At least that’s the view of some of the wives of husbands who left to go and work on “the Contract”.

“It changed many of our men,” some say.

“There is no denying that the war also took a serious toll on many of our men and boys who had to go away to fight.”

Could all of these historical events have done so much to change our men to the point where we see men in a different light today?

Some would say bringing up those events is nothing more than an excuse for today’s men, many of whom some women consider to be “just plain lazy”. They hold the view that not all Caribbean men were affected by the contract and the non-productivity of many of these men is self-inflicted rather than historical.

They say not all of the men were negatively affected by the war, although that’s hard to imagine because of the mental breakdown many men suffered once they returned home.

However we see it, we must face the fact that as human beings, many of us are the way we are because of the past. What we saw and experienced has a lot to do with the way we respond and the way we live. Lessons that were taught to our boys subconsciously no doubt have a serious mental impact on our men today.

Many women today would argue that they too were subconsciously taught lessons that impacted them in a negative way, yet, they have survived. And not just survived, but they have emerged stronger.

That’s a classic example of the difference between men and women and the way they respond to circumstances and life’s situations.

The point is, as women evolved into dominant, strong, forces both in society and in the home, men apparently went the other way, taking on a more passive approach to life.

Today’s man has changed so much from the men of decades ago that sometimes it’s hard to recognize them. As a result, today’s men are disrespected and beaten down, which makes their response to life even more disturbing.

Some women have even taken to demeaning men openly, these days, finding it easier to publicly question their husband’s or boyfriend’s manhood. These scenarios are heartbreaking to watch, especially if you’re a man.

There are normally only two reactions to these kinds of open berating– backing down or becoming physically violent. We’ve seen both responses in recent times. In fact, domestic abuse has been on the rise over the years and if one was to trace the reason behind such abuse, it will find its roots in the subconscious and psyche of a man who has been made to feel less than a man.

One guy bemoaned that women are taking over the world and concluded that it’s “disgusting”, saying it with more than frustration in his voice.

But the question is, “what are we going to do about it, guys?” Better still, are we to do anything about it at all? Why not let women run the world, considering the fact that from their actions, many men have no intentions of taking over anything?

Anyone who has ever had a woman for a boss can answer those questions.

Yes, I see the disgust look on your face when you read that statement – especially if you’re a woman.

I remember making that statement in the earshot of a group of women at the gym one day and I had prepared myself for a rally and a demonstration all in one, with the possibility of violence.

To my surprise, two of the ladies agreed with me. Apparently, they had worked under female supervisors at some point in their career lives, and ironically, both were bosses themselves. Instead of having an argument with me, the other three women got into it with the two bosses, who apparently agreed with my comment.

“If we want to be honest, most women manage out of their emotions, simply because we are emotional creatures and we can’t help but to respond out of our emotions,” one of the ladies said as a part of her argument.

“Trust me, if a woman hates you, she really don’t care how good you can do your job, she will do everything within her power to get rid of you or to let you know that she can’t stand you,” the other boss lady chimed in. “Forget about getting the work done. If you’ve done something to mess with her, its all-out war and she will hold that grudge against you either until it is satisfied or until one of you leaves the company.

“And if she’s the boss, guess whose leaving first.”

Although I was fascinated by what was being said, sensing the tension that was building up in the air among the other three females, I thought it better to excuse myself and leave, while there was still a chance to get out in one piece.

Of course there are exceptions to those opinions expressed by the two bosses.

I’ve seen female bosses manage effectively with little emotions involved, it was the way they trained themselves to be professional. On the other hand, I’ve seen male bosses manage out of their emotions and hold grudges against employees, much like a female boss would do.

But, like I said, these are the exceptions.

Whether we agree with this perception or not, or whether we like it or not, the truth is women are dominant in our society and they seem to be gaining even more ground. Is it because they want to be, or is it because they were forced to be?

The fact that we have reached the point where we are presently in our history is a direct reflection on the passivity of our men within our Western culture. Men have chosen to take a backseat, and instead of just sitting there and letting the car crash, the women have moved over and taken control of the steering wheel.

That move has forever changed the way men and women relate to each other.

Men are sitting back and complaining about the way the women are driving, and while women are arguing back, they continue to drive. Has any man ever considered asking the woman to pull the car over so that he can get back into the driver’s seat?

If he did ask, would she pull over and let him get back into the driver’s seat? The first thing she’s going to ask herself is “can I trust him to get me and my kids to where we need to be, safely?” And most of all, does she feel he even knows where it is they want to go?

“You can try that, but they’ve been driving for so long, I don’t think they’re gonna pull over and let anyone else drive,” one man said, when I asked him this same question.

“You can’t tell no woman nothing these days,” he added. “They do what they want and they’re not listening to anyone.”

“Why is that?” I asked him.

“Because they’re making their own money, they have their own businesses, they have those fancy degrees and they feel they don’t have to listen to us.”

Is that a popular consensus and the way most men think today? Are men threatened by this position in which most women have placed themselves?

A woman who has made the sacrifices to educate herself and obtain a number of degrees is seen as a threat to a man, especially in the workplace. In fact, some men have even taken to referring to these women as the “B” word, and other negative slurs.

But while most men see these women as aggressive, women see themselves as being prepared.

Therein lies part of the rift that exist between men and women today. Men want to be the head (they use every opportunity they get to announce it), but are they acting like the head? Most women don’t think so and most women have been forced into the headship role.

Someone has said that anything with two heads is abnormal, a monster and could be dangerous.

So, who will make the first move? Will men feel confident enough to ask the women to pull over so that they can get back into the driver’s seat of life, or will the women continue to ignore them and continue to drive wherever they feel they want to go?

We live in a world where women are becoming even more successful than women of the past ever dreamed they could be. Has this success made them disregard, disrespect or look down on men? We also live in a world where for the most part, many men have abandoned their positions as men, husbands and fathers and have left the driver’s seat, simply because they feel beaten down by women.

Let’s be fair and acknowledge that there are men who are in the driver’s seat of their lives and of their homes. These men have a vision for where they would like to take their families and they have no problems making the tough decisions and being the head of their families.

But those guys are rare indeed.

For the most part, we live in a world where men have taken on more of a passive role.

There have been negative effects of this, whether we would like to admit it or not. There are so many stories that point to these negative effects, that we can only tell a few. But can our society survive this change in the roles of men and women? Has this caused a shift in the world’s system and will we pay a heavy price for reversing the roles of men and women?

It is said that when things don’t function or operate the way they were intended too, it is called abnormal, and everyone knows that abnormalities can be unhealthy.